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Saturday, March 25, 2006
Oh how I want to be devoid of all emotions, happiness, sadness, disaappointment. If you never felt happy before you wouldnt know know sadness when it came. I honestly am beginning to hate myself. Why cun I just forget about everything. If only life's bad experiences can be deleted out of the memory bank in the brain. Right now I am wishing that I never met some pple in my life, if I never met them, things would be oh so wonderful. I think I have changed. I used to be quite positive about life and the experiences life brings me. Maybe its because I had a balance in my life; love, career, family and friends. I had everything I ever needed. Pple used to ask me on my birthday, what is your bday wish? It used to be health and wealth for me and my family. That used to be my wish cause I didnt know what I want. There wasnt anything I wanted. Now, all I want is to forget everything. I am lying when I say that I am not bothered. In reality, I am troubled, confused, lost and dejected. I get bouts of negative thoughts that I never had before. It kinda pisses me off cause I get like mood swings and shit like that. I am trying to laugh more, laugh at everything that comes my way. I think that if I laugh more, I wouldnt feel any pain, I wouldnt feel anything, I would be so much happier. Reality sucks, laughter doesnt make the pain go away. At the end of the day, when you stop laughing, you realise how empty life is. Career and money cannot bring you true happiness. Money is not everything. I have almost everything money can buy but yet I am not happy. If I had a chance to right all the wrongs that I have done, I wish I had been single all my life, and I have never felt the joys of sharing my life with anyone.
I am watching the notebook now. Life really is most complete and wonderful when you have someone who loves you as much as you love the person and who you want is who you get. Aint life a bitch? What you want is never what you get. Ok time to make some calls, I need a drink. I think I am going to off my fone for a week like Kong. =)
Laughter keeps a relationship going.
brakes applied at |3:17 AM|